Dealing with change..
I don't like change and I don't do too well with change either. I think I have mentioned that before.

Does that mean life gives you a choice? I was reading some of my older posts and I realized. It was one thing to say that I don't like change, and it is one thing to have to face change when it is staring at you, unabashedly..

That morning is the day that my life changed, forever. It was not like I was not prepared. I had two years to prepare and especially last couple of months when it was obviously inevitable. Yet. I did not have a choice to reject this change..

So, yes. I don't like change.. change seems to love me..

Me too!

I see a trend amongst the current generation to try be a me-too! Photography is one thing that blatantly stands out. Visit social networking sites and you will see so many people trying their hands at photography. Digital SLRs have made the dream of many wannabe photographers true. And it does take them a notch higher than where they would be with a regular camera..

Not all of them are exceptional.. But atleast, it has opened avenues for many folks to try their hand at creativity. And its not like painting or music, where there is no substitute for real talent. Snap, edit and post. And you can click several dozen photos with the digital media to not care about missing a few (or most ;) )

And then every once in a while you land up with a gem... till you get your gem, click away..

They say opposites attract.

So true. I am yet to meet a couple that agrees on bedtime, fan speed, A/C settings (or the need for an A/C), preference for sweet / spicy food ..the list is endless.

Every time you talk to a couple for a long time, these differences creep up. You find yourself identifying with one half of the couple, your spouse with the other half. Need not be the same gender.

You will say "hey, I am like that too and my husband is like the other one"

As, rightly pointed out. I wouldn't want to be married to myself. Thats a scary thought!

Hate.. Vs..Don't like

I think age is mellowing me down. There were times when I said explosive statements, that started with "I Hate". Over time, its changed to "I don't like". Same things.

Maturity and being a parent plays a role in this I am sure, a big role.

My SIL recently commented on how my blog is like a girlfriend to me. It is, because this is where I talk about what I feel and its my space. These are my opinions. Not being forced upon you. Read it and forget it.

Why is it so fashionable to hate US?

I keep on running into people who hate everything about US. Some of them have not been to the US, some have for various lengths of period. And yet, they all keep on telling me how they don't like US etc.

I left US by choice, not because I ran out of visa or because I hated it. I came back, because I wanted to be India. Thats it. But people fail to understand, why I don't hate US.. hmmm

Then and Now..

This is us. Every weekend, neeraj and I seem to talk about the life before we had kids. Before we had two kids. Now we think, even one child was so much easier to manage.
Make me wonder. I don't remember my parents ever saying this. It is likely that they did, and I was too young to remember or understand. But the expectations were different. We did not go out every weekend (or thursday for us). We went out sometimes and that more more frequent than most of my friends.

Going out as a family, every week was unheard of. So what has changed? Neeraj said, we are more exhausted. My dad had one day off and worked from 7:15 am - 8 pm. On a good day. Many a times, he came home after nine or even ten. I am sure my mom got bored. But, it was just how things were. With most of us, middle class working people.

Similarly, I was talking one of my close friend. Her husband is away for three weeks and she works full time as well. With a 4 year old and a 1 year old. She and I were discussing, how once her husband gets back, she deserves a shopping spree or time off to compensate for all the days that her husband was away. And since Neeraj will be away for 4 days later this month, I chimed in, that I will join you, for my time off in advance.

Her mom and my mom were "house wives". So she and I have very similar background. I don't remember our moms saying, now its our turn. I don't think women in those days ever said, I deserve some time off because I do all the housework and cook and clean and feed the kids.

Its not to criticize anyone or any generation. Just an observation of how things are starkly different now..

Geriatric Immunity

Age is such a wonderful thing.. Even when it is ticking away in the direction you don't want it to. 1s become 2s and 2s become 3s, and denial starts. And yet, it is a wonderful thing.

As you get older, you can do things you could not as a younger person. I mean things like, look at a really good looking boy and then tell whoever is with you, how handsome he is. You can get away with it..

As your age progresses, you can even ogle at him and not bother about looking weird. You have that mommy look all over your face anyways. And then you hit that age where you can say whatever you want, do whatever you like.. and yet, you have the excuse of being "cute" bordering on senility.. :)

Education Vs Experience

Case 1: You learn some things in school and then don't use it.

Case 2: You learn the same (or similar things) at work after having learnt to use it..

Is it okay to discount either?

I had written a one-liner .. "when is the right time to remove training wheels, 3,10,18,30,60.. never?"

Sometime, you don't get a choice. Sometime the training wheels are taking out when you are the least bit aware. Sometimes, you cling to it for the rest of your lives. Even when the wheels have long gone, or are of no use anyways.

My three year old wants mommy to do everything for her. Only mommy, no one else is allowed to bathe her, give her milk, take her to the potty. Frankly, I enjoy the attention, because I know, when she is 13, mommy is NOT going to be her hero, mommy is someone you ignore, someone who is just so uncool. I know, because I felt that once upon a time. I think that is when your stop using your training wheels. They are there, just that you don't use them any more..

And again when you are older, you start to tilt sideways and rely on those wheels to support you once again...until a point, when you suddenly become training wheels yourself...

Circle of (my favorite four letter word these days)..LIFE..

Life ..strange, how almost every time I try to write a post, it starts with this four letter word!

I try to be witty/funny/interesting/controversial.. but no. I land up pouring out my feelings on this media, where some of the people I am closest to, stop by to read what I can't otherwise tell them.

The circle of life is such deep and poignant thing, and yet if you look at it, its life and death and life and death.. interspersed with different combinations. But essentially, life and death. And yet, we go on with our life with the same fervor every single day. You know that there is only one eventual end which brings together everyone.. the rich, the poor, the big, the small, the smart, the educated, the beautiful, the ..everyone.

Most of us live a life where eventually it does not matter what happens to us. And yet, that does not stop me from indulging in the icecream/brownie/cookie/kaanda bhaji, knowing very well, that it will probably bring me closer the the eventual end.
The temptation for food/clothes/jewels/money is what keeps life interesting.. and yet, we know that, in the end it does not matter..

Yet, the only eventual truth is the only thing we deny ..day in and day out..

Back. for now.
I write when I want to write. I did not want to write, hence I did not. deal with it! :)

Whats up with me? Avani has her third birthday approaching and I am not sure how to get the whole thing done with the whole Swine Flu thing. Its a crime to even ask people to come to a party.. !

Mihir is officially mobile. Not crawling, but that boy is strong. He can push himself and go pretty much everywhere. And he loves to eat. Apples, Cerelac, (Marie mommy couldn't resist). And he still wants to eat. He is just a happy baby who loves to smile and coo and play.

Me? Still battling on work, home front. Wish I were better at managing time so that Avani gets to play with me often (not waste time on blogger ;) )

Swine Flu? Had to get an opinion in there. What has it done to me?
1. Made me more paranoid, if thats possible.
2. Made me put on weight. Food is the only entertainment in this house arrest.
3. Appreciate Avani's school
4. Appreciate my cook, who is out.
5. Watch tons of movies..bal hanuman, krishna, my friend ganesha.. all..

Oh yeah, I bought masks and I wore them.. there, confessed! :p

Life and death...

Such is the irony of life and death. I am grieving the death of my mother and celebrating the birth of my son. In the labor room, I remember crying so hard.. it was not for pain but because I really felt like my mom was there with me. And then calm set in. Its like I have made peace with God, someday, I will be with her again...

My children are the greatest joy in my life as well as my father's. I am blessed to be a mother and I hope I can be half as good a mother as my mother was and is.

I envy people for having their mothers share their joys and sorrows.. but they will always envy me for having the best mother ever. I am and will always be her daughter.

Neeraj told me the other day, that he has never ever met anyone so understanding, so calm and so mature. I know...Love you aai..