When you try to move on..

Its been almost four and half months. Has there been one day that I have not thought of her? No. Has there been one day that I don't wish that things were different? No. Has there been one day that I have not wondered how things would be, if she were here? No.

I read somewhere that it takes kids about 3-4 months to forget a person. And yet, exactly four months later, Avani and I were walking (Her other aaji had just gone home) and she said, "Mamma, enough, now ask Shamli aaji to come back from Indore. I want to play with her". I wasn't sure if I was happier that she still remembers her or sad that she still misses her. "Bappa cha ghar" and "Indore" have somehow merged into one for her, because Bhaiyya has also gone to bappa cha ghar, and bhaiyya used to live in Indore. She still knows all the clothes Shamli aaji bought for her, and says I want to wear what she got for me. Or talks to her on the phone..

It hit me again yesterday, someone sent me a link to some gine.com (or something like that) where you can build your family tree. Our tree was partly built. I am an absolute junkie about these sites. Yes, I actually do visit most of them atleast once :). And I saw the word 'deceased' next to my mom's name. I think I choked just by looking at it, before a strange calmness set it, when it sunk in once again, that that is the reality. You can't deny it and you can't run away from it.

On another note, a message to the weird family at "The place" in camp, who thought it was a good idea to pass judgements about our 'parenting skills' when Avani cried at the table. FUCK YOU. The father was an ex-army man, with his wife, 20 something daughter and her boyfriend/fiance. Strangely, they were "criticizing US, and that it is trying to take over our country" and who insisted that the whole conversation be in English. Mere des premiyon....