Throw than mend

I recently read somewhere that "we come from a generation where you didn't throw things, you mend them".. But sometimes, if mending takes more efforts than buying a new one, doesn't it make sense to just throw away the broken.

We come from a generation of stressed, time-pressed people. Its a cut throat competition and if you want to get some sanity in your life, you have to let the small things not bother you. If that means, I throw something so I can buy something new, so be it. If that saves me a few minutes and gives me time to just sit back.

A letter to me

I have been a huge fan of Amulya Malladi's books. Imagine my excitement when she accepted my friend request on FB. And yes, now I am a bigger fan of her blog posts. Simply written, straight from the heart. And the latest one, strikes a cord!

She has written some notes to herself, herself when she was 23. I am inspired to do the same.

Dear Ketaki

You are 25, newly married and a brand new job. Financially independent for the first time and free to make your own decisions. With great power comes great responsibility. But also remember, you are 25 only once. Trust me, its true.

Go ahead, color your hair. Not because you need it, but just because you can play around with your hair without having to worry about more hair loss. When I look at your lustrous tresses and I look at mine (desperately trying to hide the beginnings of white hair), I wish I had colored my hair at least once. Not the crazy golden color, people mistake you to be anything but Indian any way and the golden hair will not help :) Just streaks of light brown.

Oh yes, wear those short skirts and shorts. Its okay, you may be slightly plump And you can carry it off by bordering on "cutely plump". Don't think so much about what everyone will think. Trust me, you are in America, no one cares.

And go beyond standard retail chains for shopping. Venture into the pricier brands, the feel good brands. You have the money and the age to flaunt it a little bit..heck flaunt more! The five hundred dollars you save by not doing so, not going to matter 10 years from now... Trust me, no fun like having money and no responsibility.

Get exercising ..pronto! You don't want to be ten years older and struggling to lose even a gram. Get that cycle, go cycling, running, swimming. You are in US, the roads are clean, there are cycle tracks, running tracks, fully equipped gym at work. Sweat it out..Trust me its harder when you are older....

Go see the world, maybe not the world, but you are close enough to South America. Don't wait, book that holiday to Peru and Mexico. Don't fear being mugged there, enjoy it. Trust me, it does get harder with kids and that word..yet again... "RESPONSIBILITY".

Love,
Ketaki

The uncomfortable Indian

The uncomfortable Indian

The events in the past few days hit us with a bang as we landed in Mumbai after a week long holiday with no internet and phone access. While we caught glimpses of the events on CNN, we were in the holiday mood and didn't want to dampen the mood.

However the access to facebook brought us abreast to the events that happened and made shivers run through my spine. The more you read and the horrors unfolded to me, it made us ashamed and scared. Scared out of our wits. You start to wonder, how can somebody who has a mother, a sister, a grandmother think of doing something so heinous to any other living being.

The punishment has to be equally and probably worse, such that no other man should ever think of doing such a thing. Death is the easy way out. It gets over quickly. What we need to do is something that will leave an impact, long term.

As a mother, a daughter, a sister, I will always live in fear. I was going to discontinue my daughter's karate, now I am not going to. The least I can do, is provide her the means to protect herself.

Found this on a blog.. Thought it was fun

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse of the moon
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

My old home..

A friend sent me a link to her blog that was written about the memories of her old house. The place she grew up in. Her parents have moved out of that place..

Set me thinking. My dad still lives in the house I grew up in. Well after I turned 6. That's where all my memories are. The house and the building is the same. I still go there every week.. Feel like an outsider now.. Priyamvada was a beautiful apartment complex. First of its kind with landscaped gardens, rose gardens and orange and white colour that made it stand apart.

With just 11 apartments, we were about 6-7 of us of similar age. Always played together, rarely fought (or now I don't remember). Isolated from the traffic, we had plenty of space to place outside the complex. There was no school, coaching classes, and IT companies in that space.

Wonderfully isolated, we grew together. Holidays, festivals, occasional tragedies. All 11 families shared together. Occasional arguments only added colour to the scene.

How I wish I could get Manjumavshi's never ending love, Vidwans kaku's pampering, Kelkar aaji's scolding, Uttara Maushi's and Poonam maushi's chattering, Godbole kaku's sane advice, Ghanekar kaku's ever welcoming smile, Vinze aaji's loud laughter back..

There probably similar love, affection still there..people have changed. Or I have changed. But now when I go, I take the elevator upto my dad's apartment and back down.

No stopping at every floor chatting with someone, no cross building communication and certainly no feeling of belonging..

Diwali is tomorrow .. Faral, akashkandil, pantya, new clothes.. all the things we associate with Diwali. I am thrilled that my children are also experiencing Diwali just like I did.

I remember the excitement of new clothes. Usually that we got twice in a year (birthday and diwali). The food mom made, (sometimes bought), dad getting this exotic dry-fruit boxes from suppliers. And fatake. Moti soap, utna..

Now, maybe my kids don't appreciate getting new clothes. They get these every few days. They don't appreciate dry-fruits, these are lying around in dabbas they can open and eat whenever they want.. Faral, maybe not so much, as I buy and keep a bunch of stuff regularly for school and afternoon snack.

And yet, today Avani asked her aaji. Is Diwali tomorrow..WOW?! She had a smile on her face as she walked away. Wonder when she is my age, what will her associations be with Diwali..

A life update..

Miss A is all of 5 years old. Arguments, hugs, kisses, and plenty of fun.. Arguments came first because the girl challenges all the time. Its not just academic. She will not accept things at face value. She is such a daddy's girl in the kind of person that she is.. Strong, stubborn, smart and loving. All bundled into a tiny energy packet..

Little M is on the way to winning the award for the best/worst terrible twos.. Hmm.. let me start. We like to bully big sister, who will not hit him unless she is really provoked. We like to give and get hugs, kisses and cute smiles. We can get away with a bunch of naughtiness by simply doing something silly.. And yes, he has everyone wrapped around his finger..

My little babies are growing up way too fast, and I have decided to be more regular ..for myself..

Memories..

I seem to come back to this blog in intervals. Intervals that are caused when I hear about a new diagnosis. Its just the place to come to when your insides feel like jelly.. When you mentally relive the horrors yet again..

But since I want my blog to also be a reminder of the happy times.. I spent quite a lot of time, and found some precious memories lost in the high-speed life. Reading about those things made me so happy. So..in a new post, I am going the happy route.. Anyone wants to join?? :)

WYSIWYG

I found someones blog by mistake .. Someone I knew from a distance really. Pretty, happy and just cute! Thats how I remember this girl. And then when I read the blog. I discovered so many things about her..terrible things she went through around the same time that I knew her. Unimaginable, horrid.

And yet, when I still remember her, I remember the happy girl. Gorgeous too! :) I used to think, she is so pretty, so full of life and brilliant I was told.. she has the world at her feet. And her blog revealed what was so contradictory.

Hats off to this wonderful and strong person!

:(

I know someone who is in the last stages of cancer. She could have been more proactive I guess in getting treatment.. Could have been cured. Who knows?
Her son and daughter are same age as I. Grandchildren are the same age as my kids.. I know just how they are feeling. Helpless..Angry..Frustrated..Cheated.

For some reasons, she refused therapy. Chemo is not exactly pleasant. I don't think there is a right and wrong there.. She had the right to decide. But at 54, you wonder why she did not fight harder.. For the kids, the grand kids, the husband.

Its inevitable..she is going to pass away.. And will leave behind memories and pain..

The smell..The taste.. The warm fuzzy feeling.

(A sneak peak into my blog about my mom)

Was talking to my SIL last night, and she was telling me how when she misses her mom, (she is in the US), she makes 'ghadichi poli'.

She is married in a Deshastha family, and so her MIL makes phulkas. A few months back, I was at my mama's place. Since my mami loves 'kardai' bhaji, we took it for her from here. She is a busy doctor and was not able to make it right away. My grandmother, gently asked me to tell her that it was getting spoilt. So if she was too busy, she would ask one of the maids to make it. My mami said, "No, I want to make it just the way my grandmother and mother make it"

It is that familiar taste, that familiar smell that reminds you of your loved one. For me, it will always be "Paris" by YSL. It is a perfume that my mom wore for a very long time. She had it since 1992.

I remember opening her cupboard where all her designer perfumes were stashed away, just for the smell. It was a cocktail of many perfumes, from Charlie (which she had from before my birth), Paris, Obsession, Joop!, J'adore, Daviddoff, Chanel number 5 and many more. It was a her weak point and my dad bought her many on her trips abroad.

Her friend had once told her, "Why don't you use these everyday since you have so many..they are going to last you a lifetime". Ironical isn't it, since her lifetime was not long enough to empty those bottles.

So now, I have some of those bottles sitting in my cupboard, to smell and to wear when I miss her the most. And yes when I go to my dad's place, I insist on 'phulkas' and 'wangyachi rassa bhaji' just like the way mom used to make it..

Friends and faceless friends

So many people I interact with on a daily basis.. so many people who are my chat buddies. I chat with them for hours. I know so much about them. And yet, I have never met them, might never meet them, unless some supernatural intervention happens.

Yet, these faceless friends influence me in the same way as my 'in-person' friends. In fact, I find myself a tad bit more comfortable with them, because appearance is of no value, neither are perceptions.

You are only what you write and the way you phrase it. And yet, I think you are really what you are when you are just a 'faceless friend'...

I am back.. How long will this last this time? I don't know.

Why am I back? To vent about things normally shared with two of my closest people. One is in a different timezone, one is in a different world! :)

Yeah, I am there. I can now joke about it. I see things and don't start crying about everything. I can handle many questions and many assumptions.

Latest vent? About typecasting people. I always wonder. Movies show bad guys. These bad guys are bad from a person's perspective. What about their family/friends? I am against the black and the white. There are beautiful shades of grey in between..people sit somewhere on this spectrum. Their shade changes depending on where you are looking from.

Just because you don't like somebody, how can you assume that others should also not like that person. If you think bad of someone, how can you expect that others should feel the same?

Step back and think.. think what is it that bugs you the most? Is it even worth holding on to? Is it fair to extrapolate a single (or few) experience into an assumption of how the person is going to be?

Give people a chance..Give yourself a chance to be proven wrong....

You can never plan your life...

After a long conversation with someone, and harping about priorities, wish-lists, responsibilities, the conclusion was simple.

You can't plan your life, your life plans you.

When more than meets the eye...

Here is the reality. I lost my mother. Does that mean, I don't like it when people talk about their mothers? no..Why should I? I am glad that they have their moms to enjoy and share. I am equally glad for all the years I spent with my mom. There is no jealousy. There is anger when I see someone mistreat their mother, but no jealousy.

I used to think that it will hurt me when I would see other people with their moms. But actually faced with the situation, it does not hurt or pain. Its like a compartment. Its what is mine, not to be mixed with someone else..

Here is a little game ..

(I have not been sleeping too well past few days, kids, caffeine, work).

I am blogging, when I really want to be sleeping, and I should really be working. :)
So, if you had all the time in the world (money no bar / responsibility no bar), what are the top five things YOU would do?

Here are mine..
1. Sleep (obviously)
2. Go for a long walk.. just by myself..
3. Read a couple of good books that I really really want to finish
4. Get myself pampered at a salon.. hair, nails, skin.. the works
5. Shop till I drop..

The temple..
Here is the scene..

A whole bunch of people wait patiently, looking expectantly inside to catch a glimpse .. They all have a look of anticipation, excitement.. which quickly turns into disappointment when its not their turn.

Someone tries to squeeze past trying to see if they can use their charm/brute force and wiggle their way in.

The anticipation grows as you inch your way inside. You almost go into a trance thinking about the eventual 'darshan'. No matter how many times you visit, you will always get the same feeling of sheer excitement.

And then you do get called, you are taken to your table, and you sit down and order your SPDP !! :)

Language.

Here is a 'controversial' blog. But its just what I feel.

So, language is a way to communicate. Thats it. Period. It does not matter if it is grammatically correct or not. And yet, English is the chosen language the world prefers to do business in. You don't really have a choice to not learn English. Especially if you are from one of the countries that provide services to the developed nations.

Lack of formal education in English can cause a lot of diffidence, especially when in a situation demands strong language skills. This in turn, leads to the tendency to avoid such situations.

I honestly feel that, while your mother tongue is your own language and you ought to know it, (I am pathetic when it comes to mine, and frankly, I am okay with it). I live in a city where people are super-proud of the language. And yet, I have done just fine. I can communicate, I speak that language at home all the time. I may not read the newspaper in that language, or even books, but that has not come in the way of my career or life in general. But I dread to even think how it would be, if I were not fluent in English (I do not claim to be a master here either ;), so don't go picking on my mistakes). But, I am glad, English was not an hurdle that I had to cross in my adult life...

Dwelling in the future..

I think I like to worry. If there is no real reason to worry, I cook something up.. If I am not worried, I am worried because it does not seem right..

Current worry (not really a worry, just a cause for depression) that my little baby boy is going to turn one soon.. I will never have a baby again.. The newborn smell, the tiny hands and tiny feet.. make my uterus ache..

So, although I am super excited that he is walking and talking a bit and developing a personality, I am also sad that my babies are growing up way too fast..

Observations:

First and foremost, Happy new year! Did not plan to write a somber post as the very first post of the year, but had to get it off my heart ..

Anyways, so we spent a few days at a beach resort and this place a DJ night. This was our third time at this place, and here is how things have changed.

Dec 2005 - just the two of us. Danced all night..
Dec 2007 - two of us and Avani. Danced with Avani in between dinner and water breaks
Dec 2009 - two of us with Avani and Mihir. Avani danced, while Neeraj walked around keeping Mihir entertained and I kept an eye on all the other kids while their parents were busy with the younger ones. And then I fed Mihir his khichadi while observing other no-kids couples dance all night!

So, there are a few kinds of people.
I know I dance well: They are in their comfort zone when dancing in tune and to the beat. Pleasure to watch such people and wondering why we can't dance like them

I know I don't dance well, but I don't give a damn: They are the people who don't care how they look. They love to move and shake and break into Ganpati dance every once in a while..

I think I can dance, but what will people think?: People like me, who are too conscious about how they look and so try little moves once in a while, and go back to swaying from side to side.. envying the first category

I am not gonna dance: Need to say more??

I wish I could dance: Everyone else.. they can't dance, wish they could and so they stand on the side, moving just a bit, and then stop moving in the fear that someone might have seen them. Hard to tell if they can dance, because they never find out..